Warlock (1989)
I have only seen half of this, and was planning on watching the rest tonight, but my kids are sleeping in the loungeroom tonight, so an 80s horror film is not the best idea.
I haven't seen this for years, when I grabbed it as part of a "5 movies for $10" deal at Civic Video all those years ago. (Civic Video in Orange was cool, it had a cardboard cave for its horror section and a cardboard pink house for the Adult section). Anyway,
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horror_exchange has uploaded this a while back and I snagged it from there. The plot is pretty simple. A warlock (Julian Sands) is captured in 1691 but escapes with the aid of a time travel portal presumably sent by the Devil. He arrives in 1989 but is pursued by a witch-hunter (Richard E Grant) who in a remarkable stroke of luck is in the same building when the time portal appears. In the present day, The Warlock is charged with obtaining three pieces of a mystical grimoire that can bring about the end of the world. That's the McGuffin for the film.
More to come when I finish watching it. At the moment, it stands at three Darios.
The Untouchables
This is, in my mind, the best gangster film ever. It is also one of the relatively few film starring Kevin Costner that I like. Costner portrays Eliot Ness, the legendary Treasury agent who took on the task of "cleaning up" Chicago during the prohibition era. Of course cleaning up means taking on Al Capone, played by a Robert DeNiro-like Robert DeNiro. Ness assembles a core group of unbribeable, or untouchable police. With a group containing Sean Connery, Andy Garcia, Charles Martin Smith and Costner, can Capone even make a stand? Well yes, of course he can. And the ensuing blood makes this a violent film, with some unbelievable blooshed. But it was written by David Mamet so it is to be expected.
The other great thing about this movie is the music by Enrico Morricone. The opening title gives the feel of oppression, as the bad guys are in control, where the finale is a more positive upbeat composition, when evil has been defeated, and the scales have been balanced.
The Untouchables is a film that can be enjoyed again and again. And despite what Sick Boy says in Trainspotting, it is an Oscar-worthy performance from Sean Connery.
Four and a half Darios
It is however, pretty good fun.
The Phantom (1996)
The Phantom has been continuously published since 1936 and is in fact one of the first superheroes, predating Superman by two years and Batman by three. Not counting the movie serial made in the 1940's, it took sixty years to get The Phantom to the big screen. Was it worth a wait of sixty years? Definitely not. Even by action adventure movie standards The Phantom is a slapped together piece of work. For the nitpicky around here, there are a wealth of oportunities to pick holes in this film. A few of them. Horses and wolves can run faster than a biplane flies, the jungle is full of CGI Blue screens, when you jump from a biplane to a horse you change body shape and facial features completely and ancient jungle skulls and rings can generate laser beams.
But this is The Phantom, and if you are in any way fan of the character, you will know what to expect. The Phantom punching out bad guys, rescuing captive gals, and being mysterious.
I like The Phantom, I have been reading the strip on and off for the past twenty years or so. I also like this movie, but it definitely isn't very well crafted. It does set out to do what it aims for, and that is give us an adventure full of cliched villains, heroic good guys and a moralistic main character. I always feel more positive after watching The Phantom.
Three Darios (for the feel good factor, and the fact it co-stars Patrick MacGoohan)
Not a movie this time but an entire series. Anyone alive in the seventies or eighties, especially here in Australia will remember this. Mention the phrase "three seater bike" to most of the population and they will recall these "Super-Chaps Three" 1
Now The Goodies were classified as a kid's show, due to not only its popularity with kids, who liked the madcap slapstick chase scenes at the end of the episodes, (my favourite is the Western-Epic Movie- Silent Comedy Classic battle from Series 5's "The Movies"), but also due to the fact that it was shown here in Oz during childrens viewing time (5pm).
The Goodies is much more than a kid's show. It is a classic comedy that appeals to all ages. It is the televisual successor to "The Goon Show", in that it had a regular cast of characters, sustained a plot for the entire show, and employed surreal humour, and completely impossible physical comedy scenes for its climax. Now I know a lot of people regard Monty Python's Flying Circus as the successor to the Goons, but when you look at it, Python is really just a sketch show with silly voices. Only once in the Python series did an episode have a running plot for the entire thirty minutes 2 ,and that was just a frame to hang sketches on, not a well developed plot. The Goodies brought surreal comedy, witty jokes and slapstick together with a storyline every episode (except one, which was a Goodies concert).
Five Darios
The Goodies
Torrent at : http://extratorrent.com/torrent/1764851/T
Contains all 70 Episodes, but some are missing the opening or closing credits. No big loss though
You will need a program like Bittorrent to download this file, and I will remind you that downloading copyright material is very very naughty and could strip you of you OBE's and send you to the nick.
1 - "Super Chaps Three" was the working title for The Goodies
2 - The "Python with a plot" was "Mr Pither's Cycling Tour" Episode 34.
Trainspotting (1996)
Based on the novel by Irvine Welsh, Trainspotting details the life of a group of heroin addicts in Scotland. (Well only three of the five characters on the poster above are heroin users and one sucessfully kicks it) It is not as some controversy has it, a movie that glamourises heroin use, rather the opposite. There is a very artfully shot overdose scene (set to the song "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed, who was also a heroin user) and one character in the movie (not naming who) actually dies, not from an overdose, but from consequences of becoming an addicted H user.
It is tempting to compare this with the other "great" heroin movie, Christiane F, but these are two completely different films, apart from the subject of heroin use. Christiane F, (which is on my viewing and reviewing list) is a docu-drama of sorts
, while Trainspotting, even though it has a graphic message, is more a comedy, though a very black one.
Watch Trainspotting. If you are a parent of young adults, watch it with them. If you aren't, watch it anyway.
5 Darios
Here's two old classics for you. And they are lumped together because they are essentially one long film.
James Whale's masterpieces Frankenstein (1931) and The Bride Of Frankenstein (1935)
If you have read the novel, and I urge that you really should read the novel, then forget most of what happens in that. You won't be getting a verbose view on life, death, God and soul as you do from the monster in the novel. Whale keeps the monster mute, until the Bride of Frankenstein, and he only gets limited phrases to say, (although, he does appear to have learned some wisdom by the end of Bride), thus we don't get his speech on life that Shelley's creature gives us.
So what do we have in the films?
Doctor Henry (not Victor) Frankenstein creates a creature from pieces of deceased humans, only the mishap comes when his assistant, instead of stealing a normal" brain from the medical labs, steal the "abnormal" brain ofcriminal. (This film was made in 1931 when phrenology (the stdy of a person's character from the bumps on their head) was studied. This results in the creation of a "monster" who later terrorises the local town, or if you look at the way Whale portrays it, the creation of a child in a man's body, who is percieved as a monster because of the way society reacts to him. I'm unsure whether Whale put this in as a statement on persecution because he was an openly gay man in Hollywood in the 1930s.
Bride of Frankenstein, released four years later deals with the other half of the plot of Shelly's novel, that of the creation of a mate for the creature. I do not have the time to discuss the gay reading of this film, and there is an awful lot of subtext here. This is because Whale originally did not want to direct a sequel, thinking he'd pushed the plot as far as he could with the first, and as an incentive he was given a much freer reign for Bride.
Watch these films in one session, as they are one story, and one director's handling of the Frankenstein myth. You will get an awful lot out of these films, probably more than you wil expect.
Frankenstein 4 Darios
The Bride of Frankenstein 4 1/2 Darios.
Gojira (aka Godzilla (1954))
Download link: http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/4177000/G
Plot Summary from IMDB
Japan is thrown into a panic after several ships explode and are sunk. At first the authorities think its either underwater mines or underwater volcanic activity. The authorities soon head to Odo Island, close to where several of the ships were sunk. One night, something comes onshore and destroys several houses and kills several people. A later expedition to the island led by paleontologist Professor Kyohei Yemani, his daughter Emiko and a young navy frogman Hideto Ogata (who also happens to be Emiko's lover even though she is betrothed to Doctor Daisuke Serizawa)soon discover something more devastating than imagined in the form of a 164 foot tall monster whom the natives call Gojira. Now the monster begins a rampage that threatens to destroy not only Japan, but the rest of the world as well. Can the monster be destroyed before it is too late and what role will the mysterious Serizawa play in the battle?
Pretty involved plot summary for a movie most people see simply as a Monster film. Characterisation? In a Godzilla film? Well yes, because this is the original Japanese film from 1954. This was before Godzilla became a monster to pit against other monsters, this Godzilla is a symbol, and is used as a metaphor for the horrors of nuclear power and especially nuclear weapons. Remember this movie was released only nine years after the destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, so the idea of a nuclear powered giant monster (Godzilla has an "atomic breath") was particularly impactful on Japanese audiences in the fifties.
This review is of the original Japanese language film, Gojira. The distributors in America picked up this film, recut it, added scenes starring Raymond Burr, to make it more palatable for American audiences. The result, Godzilla:King Of The Monsters is more geared towards a horror monster film than the Japanese. While it is worth watching, Gojira has the level of masterpiece. Godzilla:King Of The Monsters is simply a good film.
Four and a half Darios
| Friday the 13th (2009) *Extended Cut* Film: Friday the 13th (2009)  Director/Writer(s): Marcus Nispel (director), Damian Shannon (screenplay) & Mark Swift (screenplay). Cast: Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Travis Van Winkle, Aaron Yoo, Derek Mears, Jonathan Sadowski... Genre: Horror | Thriller Plot Outline: A group of young adults discover a boarded up Camp Crystal Lake, where they soon encounter Jason Voorhees and his deadly intentions. Certification: USA:R (for strong bloody violence, some graphic sexual content, nudity, language and drug material.) Size: 1.36 GB Megaupload: part 1 & part 2. Notes: This is the 'Extended Killer Cut', OK, I've just copied and pasted this in from horror_exchange , because I haven't had a chance to watch it yet. I'll edit this entry with a review and plot summary when I do. |
A new movie today, but one just as cultish and geeky as the others. Watchmen, based on the Alan Moore/Dave Gibbons 12 issue comic for DC (although Alan Moore has requested that his name never appears on film adaptations of his work-so he is uncredited on screen)
Watchmen (the graphic novel) is set in 1985 (on an alternate Earth- Nixon is still US president), and the world is closer to nuclear armageddon. In this world were costumed heroes untill a 1977 act made them illegal. Starring costumed heroes based on old comics heros (Night Owl (based on Batman), Rorschach (The Question) Silk Spectre (Black Canary) Dr Manhattan (Catain Atom) etc, the story starts with one being murdered and a select group investigating, coming out of retirement, and dealing with the threat. Pretty simple right? No, In 12 issues is enough subtext, backstory, parallel plots, satire, parody and plot to fill a comic run 100 issues or more. There is a reason the graphic novel is called the best graphic novel in existence.
The movie will not be called the greatest superhero movie ever, at least not by me. It is however a very faithful adaptation, although it loses a lot of the subtext by trying to pack it all into 2 1/2 hours. The director Zack Snyder (Dawn Of The dead, 300) does a very good job though, which is why I'll give Watchmen (The Film) four Darios
No download link for this one, as it is only just in the cinemas. (well actually, it is available online, but not good quality, and it really is a film that should be seen on the big screen)
Shocker (1989)
cast : Mitch Pileggi, Peter Berg, Michael Murphy
Director : Wes Craven
Download : hxxp://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=e4e25
10 Parts , Join with HJ Split
Plot: Serial Killer Horace Pinker is tracked down by a Police Chief's son, and executed by electric chair. Failing to die, Pinker instead becomes a supercharged electrical Demon ready to live up to his final words, "No more Mr. Nice Guy"
I love Shocker, there I've said it. I think of all Wes Craven's films this is the second best (after A Nightmare On Elm Street 1 of course). Now realise that Shocker is not a perfect film, full of some poor acting at times, and a plot that makes no sense at all, even within the film. The transforming of Pinker from human to superhumal electrical monster is actually NOT the most ludicrous aspect of the plot, and the way Pinker is tracked down is completely weird, and the final ten minutes are beyond possibility.
But.....
Shocker is very entertaining, if you watch it with a huge amount of Suspension Of Disbelief, you will be entertained with a tale of Good against Evil and a film with more than a few moments of dark humour.
The soundtrack album as well, is superb!
Four and a half Darios!
Download : 239.68 mB in 1 part http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6KZ7SSTQ
Remember reading your Bible, especially the New Testement and marvelling at the zombies and kung-fu you found in there? You don't? Well thats OK because this film depicts it in atrociously acted detail. You see, when Jesus raised from the dead, he wasn't quite the same. In fact he was a zombie. Now the only thing stopping him from converting all the world (HA! Converting! I maketh a funny) was the kung fu skills the diciples had picked up on their travels through Galilee (just south of China and Japan)
Now you can say what you like about Plan 9 from Outer Space (which I will review one day) but Zombie Christ is without doubt, THE WORST FILM EVER! Poor filming, poor acting, and the worst zombie I have ever seen.
Mind you, I'm still giving it One Dario solely because of the concept.
Trick Or Treat (1986)
Download : hxxp://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=e4e25
6 parts Join with HJ-Split
Cast : Marc Price, Tony Fields, Lisa Orgolini, Gene Simmons (Despite what the DVD cover says, Ozzy Osbourne is in it for only a minute)
Certificate : M 15+(Australia)
Plot: Eddie Weinbauer is a typical All-American teenager, at least he was until he fell under the evil spell of Rock Music. Now he's obsessed with his heavy-metal superstar idol, Sammi Curr, who is killed in a hotel fire. Eddie becomes the recipient of the only copy of Curr's unreleased album, which when played backwards sends a message of destruction and as Halloween approaches, Eddie begins to realize this isn't only rock 'n roll... it's life and death and he must draw the line to thwart this mission.
Oh yes, this is THE heavy metal horror movie of the eighties, (or any decade). Starring Marc "Skippy from Family Ties" Price as Eddie this movie has it all. A victimised teen who discovers (or in this case is handed) great power, a revenge plot that gets out of hand, eighties heavy metal (from the band Fastway) and a story that covers teen rebellion, individuality, music backmasking, the role of heroes in society, and some nice eighties horror movie destruction.
Also "stars" Ozzy Osbourne as an anti-rock Reverend. And Ozzy must have done a great job because even though he appears for less than a minute or two, he appears on the DVD cover!
I have a soft spot for Trick Or Treat. Not only was it a film I continually hired from the video shop (remember them?) when I was a boy, it is also (according to Christian Fundamentalist preacher Jeff Godwin (in his book Dancing With Demons) one of the most evil movies ever). And it covered the old fun hobby we used to have of looking for backmasking, (ie stuff recorded backwards on albums, especially heavy metal). Of course in this movie there is more backmasking than anyone, even The Beatles could have put on an album.
Most evil movie, eighties rock, and directed by the weedy little accountant from The Untouchables, all this adds up giving it four (backmasked) Darios.
Friday The 13th Part 6:Jason Lives
Download information:691 MB in 7 Parts: hxxp://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=8f0c6
Why am I starting my reviews of the Friday movies with this one? Quite simply, it is the best of the series. Not boring at all, and with touches of humor (including a smiley-face gag), some entertaining death scenes plus the male lead is Thom Matthews (who also starred in the other great 80's film The Return Of The Living Dead (I and II))
This is where it all got turned around with Jason Voorhees, in all films to this point, Jason was portrayed as human, (super strong as well) but still human. And it was as a human that he was killed (in 1984's Friday The 13th:The Final Chapter).
So if he's dead, whats the movie about. Well picture a metal bar thrust into an open coffin and a handy bolt of lightning. Presto! Instant reanimated Jason.
The Friday The 13th Website (http://www.fridaythe13thfilms.com) gives this basic premise in its plot synopsis:
Tommy Jarvis is released from the mental institutions in which he has spent most of his adolescence. Along with his friend Allen Hawes, Tommy goes to dig up and cremate Jason's corpse. But when he pierces Jason's chest with an iron fence post, a bolt of lightning resurrects him. Jason quickly takes out Allen with a fist through the chest, and when Tommy flees Jason heads for the renamed and reopened Lake Forest Green.
Basically this movie is a killer stalking the killer of the aforementioned killer. A zombiefied undead Jason, and a story that makes much more sense than a lot of the Friday movies. And a James Bond homage just before the opening titles. No wonder it is often voted the best of the series.
So my equation for this movie is the preceeding premise+Thom Matthews+ Jason Voorhees + Songs by Alice Cooper equals
FOUR Darios!
Film : Halloween (2007)
Director : Rob Zombie
Cast: Malcolm McDowell, Scout Taylor-Compton, Tyler Mane, Daeg Faerch, Sheri Moon Zombie
Certification: R 18+ (Australia)
Plot: (from IMDB) After being committed for 17 years, Michael Myers, now a grown man and still very dangerous, escapes from the mental institution (where he was committed as a 10 year old) and he immediately returns to Haddonfield, where he wants to find his baby sister, Laurie. Anyone who crosses his path is in mortal danger
Size : 698Mb in 7 parts
Download Link : hxxp://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=e4e25
Download all parts and join with HJ-Split
This is the one that had all he horror fanboys all upset a couple of years back. Rob Zombie's Halloween. When this was in production, there were many negative comments thrown about about how Zombie could make a remake of the classic Halloween (1978). Well Zombie has pulled a swiftie on us. This isn't just a remake, but a prequel as well. How about that for a talented Zombie?
Not quite, it is effective as a prequel, in that Zombie gives us a good glimpse of a ten year old Michael Myers. Did you know Michael was abused at home by his stepfather, bullied at school and was an animal mutilator? From Carpenter's film we have no idea about his childhood, save that he killed his sister on Halloween. Zombie's Halloween spends approximately 40 minutes of its 100 on a ten year old Michael. And this is where the film loses it for me. The original character of Michael Myers, (in the two Carpenter films) had no effort spent on showing sympathy for Michael. He was a "force of nature", a being who may or may not be supernatural, who did not deserve any audience sympathy. And this is what made him scary-because we did not know what he really was. (Apart from having "the devil's eyes" we have no idea about his makeup)
Zombie gives us 40 minutes of sympathy for Michael, then lauches into his remake with Michael stalking the babysitter - which is the whole point of Halloween.
Mind you, I respect what Zombie was trying to do. He has not simply remade Halloween, he has crafted his own film. He has not fallen into the Gus Van Sant remaking Psycho trap, and he has added parts to the film to make it his own, not a carbon copy of Carpenter's work. 1
I'm calling this one as I see it. If it was an original film Zombie had come up with, (ie if the was no Carpenter Halloween) then it would score higher, but as it stands, as a remake/prequel to an existing film, I am only giving it two and a half Darios.
1 - Remakes can be good though. Look at The Maltese Falcon with Bogie. That was a remake...
Before we really get into the heavy reviews etc, I want to give a mention to
horror_exchange , which is where I found a lot of the films I will be discussing. Join horror_exchange , you will not regret it. (Hey, I got Saw V from there in a perfect quality copy before it was released on DVD)Be warned though, it is very easy to download a lot from this community so make sure you have (A) A high download limit and (B) lots of time to watch films.
Not all the films I talk about will be available on horror_exchange, but if they are, I will direct you to the entry and links.
First entry of this site. And as this site will be covering a lot of my personal favourites, here is a brief overview of what we can expect.
Blood, sadism, zombies and really poor acting. All the essentials for a good film. Of course, not only horror will be covered, any movie that takes my fancy will be discussed, though for those who know me, you'll know my taste runs towards horror and sci-fi more than anything else.
Many of these films will be available on the internet for download, (hey, where did you think I got them?) and I'd like to direct you to the community
horror_exchange</lj> which has a great selection of good and bad horror films. Any download links I have I will share with you, but many of you will know how to download off the internet anyway. (You pirates First off the rank are two documentary films from Britain dealing with the "Video Nasty" era and the effects that this had on video retailers, censorship and the law. It is worth watching if you like that sort of thing and can deal with a lot of face to camera stuff from academics and politicians.
700 MB in 8 Parts: hxxp://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=8f0c6
I give it Three Darios (out of Five)
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